After spending a lot of time on the internet reading about other people's motivation, I feel motivated to post on my own motivation. Huh? Its okay, you’ll catch up in a second.
What is my real weight loss motivation…that is the question. The answer I tell my children, and trainer and skinny friends? Why, health of course! I don’t care about the number on the scale or what I look like, I just want to be healthy! Yeah, that is a TOTAL crock of shit.
My real motivation? There are three main motivating factors for me to lose 60lbs and not one of them has to do with health.
1. – I want to run into people from the past and not be completely humiliated. I live in a relatively small city (about 200,000 people give or take) so it’s big enough that you can avoid people, but small enough that you occasionally (and inevitably) run into people you used to know but who you haven’t seen in years. The most recent occurrence of this phenomena happened at a Christmas party in December.
I was at a work function that included many other organizations who work in the same industry around town. I was busy schmoozing the usual suspects when from behind me I heard the dreaded, “Christie? Is that you? Do you remember me?....” I turned around and was greeted by a girl that I knew from high school but who I haven’t seen in over 17 years. The worst part? She looked fabulous. She hadn't gained an ounce or aged a day. I stood there talking to her and the whole time I was thinking,
“I can’t believe she is seeing me this fat. She must be an actor because I’m sure it’s not easy to mask the shock and horror of what is my current appearance. Should I mention that I’m fat? Yeah, well...that’s obvious, but is it better to pretend that everything is normal, or acknowledge that I am aware of my fatness? Quick – tell her you have three kids! That should buy you a few pounds, right? Suck it in! Don’t turn sideways…stand up a little straighter and stick your neck out a little....”
It was totally horrifying on many different levels. Not the least of which was that I actually quite liked this girl in high school, and if I wasn’t so preoccupied by being 'outed' for getting so fat we could have reconnected a little more. I know where she works now, so I think I will call her for a coffee date or something. Maybe in a few months. When I’m skinnier.
2. – I want to buy cool clothes before I’m too old to wear them. When I was skinny I was poor, so I wore whatever was available. To have a little money and a skinny body? The mall is my oyster! I don’t need a ton of fancy designer duds, but I would like to be able to shop in any store I like and be reasonable assured they will have my size. I’m on the bubble between the regular people sizes and the fat people sizes. I’m not quite fat enough for the plus size stores, but it’s touch and go on whether the regular people stores will have the one size 14 or 16 left that I can squeeze my ass into.
See, the regular people stores don’t really want the fat people to shop there, so they only order one fat person size. If I don’t get the one larger size they bring in I’m s.o.l. And the fat people stores don’t want the smaller fat people to shop there because they want the super fat people to feel comfortable. Therefore, if I don’t get the one 'small' fat person size they bring in I’m s.o.l there too. Either way I usually get screwed on the clothes front.
3. – I want to go waterskiing. Really, really, badly. Three summers ago we bought a speed boat. There are quite a few lakes within an hours drive from our house, and I grew up on a lake and in a boat so I really wanted one for my family. I have never been a fabulous water-skier, but while it wasn’t pretty, I always managed to at least get up on those skis for a trip or two around the lake. I have tried for three consecutive summers now and I can’t haul my fat ass out of the fucking water.
My husband skis like a champ, as does my 15 year-old daughter. Every summer I try, and for three years now I haven’t gotten close. My family is very patient with me and would be willing to spend all day trying to haul my fat ass out of that lake, but after a few tries I give up due to exhaustion and humiliation. They all laugh and it’s no big deal ‘cause it’s just mom and mom waterskiing would be too funny for words anyway. I am NOT ready to play that role. I do not want to be the fat old lady sitting in the boat with the ugly hat and giant sunglasses reading a shitty romance novel. I want to do more than just handout the sandwiches at lunchtime. I’m 35 years-old for crying out loud! I am going to ski behind my boat this summer so help me GOD.
There are a few other minor motivations such as health and fitness, but they really take a backseat to the three primary motivators listed above. I want to ski behind my boat and wave at a group of people I went to high school with while wearing a great bathing suit purchased at a trendy surf-type store.