Monday, March 9, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts


Good day everyone! It's Random Tuesday again, the day Keely at the un-mom gives us permission to totally phone it in. Thanks Keely! Here is my half-assed effort for the week -

The kiss of death when you go to the doctor or the dentist? When they say the word ‘pressure’. As in, “You may feel some pressure." That is doctor code for SEVERE FUCKING PAIN. The next time a doctor says that to you, pray you have a leather strap handy to bite on because it’s not going to be pretty.

It’s almost the middle of March and its forty below. The people from CNN who called us the ‘hot spot’ of North America clearly have never actually been here. Sure, we all have jobs, but if it doesn’t warm up right fucking now we’re all moving to Mexico to work in sweat shops.

I don’t feel like going to the gym. It’s cool damn cold. I want to go for a bike ride or a walk or something. All of you who have the ability of being able to just walk out your front door whenever you want to have no idea how much of a luxury that is. I would kill to be able to see something, anything that’s green right now.

Shannon Doherty seems like someone who is just a gigantic bitch. She was awesome in that Heathers movie though. That show still totally stands up. That movie made me want to eat pate. Fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

Speaking of movies, the Watchmen was the worst super hero movie I've ever seen. It was excruciatingly dull and horribly depressing. It's very pleased with itself and has absolutely no reason to be. Seriously, save your ten bucks.

For more randomness, go check out the rest of the clan at the un-mom. Git Git!

Sunday, March 8, 2009

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week 10

Nothing comes between me and my Calvins……except possibly my huge ass.

I have brought out the jeans. You know which ones I’m talking about. THE jeans. The skinny jeans. The jeans that you keep in vain hope of one day being able to suck it in, grab the nearest coat hanger, lie flat on your back and wriggle on until you almost pass out. The jeans you keep in the ‘I have a dream’ section of your closet.

My skinny jeans actually are Calvins and I love them. I love them and I haven’t been able to squeeze my fat ass into them in more than three years. I didn’t retrieve them to torture myself; I actually want to look at them. I can’t get them on yet, but I’m close enough that looking at the Calvins gives me hope instead of making me want to give it up already and just start rocking the moo-moos.

As for the plan I’m working on to get back into those Calvins, on Tuesday I spent an hour and a half with Trainer Lady. I wish I could win the lottery and afford to see her a few times a week because the shit she dreams up for me to do is ingenious. She has the unique ability to keep pushing me really hard without making me want to bash her over the head with a hand weight. I think Trainer Lady should start a cult because if she can make me work that hard and (almost) enjoy it, she’s the fucking pied-piper.

I was pretty good with the food this week, but I fell victim to the siren song of popcorn twice this weekend. I have a MAJOR popcorn addiction. Let me put it this way - if I had to choose between never eating popcorn again and having to give up one of my children, I would finally be getting that guest room I have always wanted. That shit is GOOD. Aside from those two minor indiscretions, I ate pretty well this week.

You know what is cool though? All of my work pants are falling off. I no longer have to actually undo them to get them on and off. While this is pretty cool from a weight loss perspective, walking around with the poopy-drawers is not a great look. In about five more pounds I’m going shopping!

I’m beginning my tenth week, and by this point I was really hoping to have lost twenty pounds. I didn’t make that goal, but I did lose another 2.5 pounds this week and 15 pounds total. I have 45 to go.