Friday, February 27, 2009

An open letter to Rush Limbaugh

Hi everyone – I have been a little out of touch this week. I have issues. Yeah, I know...who doesn’t.

There have been a few things bugging me this week, but the main thing would be that it appears god hates me. I’m not exactly sure why – I love Jesus. However, lately it has come to my attention that I don’t love Jesus the correct way. I think Gandhi said it best –

“I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.”

My experiences of late certainly reaffirm that message. For the last little while I have noticed a growing movement among many Christians, both public figures and regular joes, that is hard right leaning, conservative, judgemental, unforgiving, disrespectful and cruel.

I consider myself a Christian because it gives me comfort to believe something, and Jesus seems like as good a dude as any to buy stock in. He was the first social activist that got enough attention he was actually written about. He was all about helping the poor, comforting the suffering, and equal treatment for all. He loved women and the disabled and the sick. He thought everyone was a child of god and deserving of respect and kindness regardless of their race, creed, gender, orientation or health. He brought us the first pair of open-toed strappy sandals. JC rocked out with his cock out and I can’t for the life of me figure out when all these far right leaning conservative assholes decided Jesus was going to be THEIR leader.

They have somehow managed to take the history of this man whose entire mission was to bring peace to the world and distort it to such a place that its now actually a REASON to be an asshole. I know people who get up each day and spend their time trampling over everyone in their path and then head right over to church and thank Jesus for the strength in which to do it. They cite Jesus when they decide that only certain people are good enough to marry others, or when they send our teenagers over to fight a war for money and oil and get their legs blown off.

Well, I’m here to tell you that Jesus is pissed. He is not down with their stupid shit AT ALL. We are all here to work together to have happy lives and take care of our friends and neighbours, not to destroy each other and then name Jesus as the reason. All the conservatives who are using Jesus as the reason to be complete fucktards are going to end up in the big time-out chair in the sky when they kick it. You know the saying ‘Karma is a bitch?’ Well, Karma IS a bitch and she and Jesus are totally doing it.

Sorry for that little rant. I feel better.

On the lighter side, earlier this week I posted this picture –

A few of you were brave enough to tackle the weirdest, most unexplainable picture of all time. Go check ‘em out!

Keely at the unmom – story here
Ginny Marie at Lemon Drop Pie - story here
Church-punk mom at Embellished Truth and Polite Fiction - story here (who hopefully still loves me after today's post)

Monday, February 23, 2009

Random Tuesday - Beware, I'm dull as....can't even think of a good analogy for dull


Its Tuesday again and that’s a good thing because I’m becoming a little unglued. I don’t really have anything to do, so I’m extremely random. Thanks for providing me an outlet, Keely.

It appears that I’m losing followers on this blog. What’s up with that? Yesterday I had two people jump ship on me. I hope it’s because I’m offending people. I definitely prefer that over boring the living shit out of them. Uh...for all of you considering leaving me because I'm boring the living shit out of you - you should probably stop reading now.

You know what’s a great game if you’re a government worker? Sit at your desk and pick a random number (say, 31) and stare out the window and count all the cars that drive by, and the 31st one you win! I know you think I’m making this up but sadly, I’m not. I’m paid a lot of money, too. No, it's actually not a great way to spend your time.

White is the worst colour of all time. Bad starchy foods, cocaine, snow, old people’s hair and blank monitor screens that I can’t think of anything to write on are all white. White sucks.

Why does BeyoncĂ© always dress like an asshole? She has one of the greatest bodies of all time and regularly shows up to public events looking like this –

You know, BeyoncĂ©, gold leaf glued on a black dress does not a ball gown make. You have a bazillion dollars – hire a stylist.

Okay, I’m going to stop now before anymore of you decide I’m not worthy. Cyberland is a tough room lately.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week 8

Happy Fat-Chick review day everyone! It’s Monday, again, and while I'm only at the start of my eighth week, it feels like it's been a lot longer. A LOT longer.

I did pretty great this week, especially with the exercise. I took a ‘body blast’ class at the Y, went to the gym, took a karate class called ‘spirit training’ (kicking, punching and then a bunch of running and sweating) and of course I had my session with Trainer Lady. She cracks me up, that one.

We were talking about eating and how I seem to be struggling on the weekends. My family is still not quite used to all this ‘healthy eating’ business I have forced upon them and I cave more often than I should when they start campaigning for pizza. Upon hearing this, Trainer Lady gave me this advice –

“Well, if you do order pizza have just one piece, and then eat salad.”

Isn’t that adorable? She is just as cute as a button. Really, it was hard not to reach over and pinch her cheeks. She said it with such earnest too, like she believed not eating the pizza hadn’t ever occurred to me before. Healthy people who have a normal relationship with food really don’t understand why we (fat people) are overweight. Telling me to only eat one piece of pizza is like telling an alcoholic to just not drink so much or a gambling addict to only spend $20 at the casino. I know I shouldn’t eat it, but once I know it’s available I can’t think of anything else and end up pigging out. In fact, I need to change the subject right now because typing this is making me want pizza.

Did you ever hear the one about the priest and rabbi who walked into the bar? Yeah, me neither.

I’m going to increase my cardio this week and NO CHEATING in the food department. My children are just going to have to go to someone else’s house if they want to eat junk food. I bet the crazy neighbour lady with the grow-op in her living room has tons of munchies in her kitchen.

I’m doing just fine and I am proud of myself, but the once or twice a week I indulge is not doing me any favors. It showed on the scale this morning when I weighed in and the results were a big fat zero. I didn't loose an ounce this week. Damn.

I STILL have 49.5 pounds to go.