Lay down and boogie and play that funky music 'till you die

I'm back from my night of shaking my groove thing. I think I should probably make some kind of rule about blogging while tipsy, but.....um, well... let's make that rule tomorrow, shall we?

I had a GREAT time with the girls tonight!

It was my friend's birthday; isn't she lovely? She is thirty-something years old, but she still looks like she is early into her 20's, doesn't she?



Know why? She hasn't had children yet.

Here are the rest of the girls, including me! I don't think I've ever posted a pic of what I actually look like on here, so here you go!



That's me, second from the left.

Here is another pic of me, shaking my ass on the dance floor -



Mine is the fat one on the left. I wouldn't normally put my ass on the internet, but I'm using it as a frame of reference because I'm eventually going to post pictures of my SKINNY ass on the internet. I have had a few cocktails, however, so there is a reasonable chance that only you early risers will actually see my ass, because in the light of day I might change my mind on the ass-showing internet action. This is where the no drunk blogging rule would come in handy.

I like this pic of the girls -



Do you get the feeling they are a tad annoyed with the camera action? Too bad ladies! I have a blog and I'm not afraid to use it.

Alright - last couple. This one is funny 'cause I just took it as a random crowd shot -



This was a disco/funk band. Lots of 'jungle boogie' type stuff. I find the utter lack of females in this picture hysterical. Who knew the dudes loved to disco??

Okay, last one. Me and Valentina -



It was a fun night. I may feel differently in four hours when my children wake up and expect a mother, but at the moment I am basking in my glow of vodka, disco and a successful girls night out!

An Assignment!

Alrighty everyone - here we go! Your mission (should you choose to accept it) is to write something that explains this -



The longer you look at this picture, weirder it gets. Exactly what kind of vehicle is that on the hill? Milk truck? UPS? The prisoners bus from the Fugitive?

If you want to write about what you think created this particular scenario on your own blog, send me the link and I'll link you up here, or you can give me your version of events through comments or via email - FoN_eh@yahoo.ca and I'll post the stories over the next few days. Get creative!!

All stories will be posted (or linked) and open to bloggers and non-bloggers alike (Rickie, you know you want to). I hope you will all play along or I'm going to feel like the fat kid in gym class who no one wants on their team. No pressure 'tho. Just my self-esteem and will to live on the line here.

I'll post my own version tomorrow. I'm thinking about throwing in some zombies to mess with Keely.

The first story is in! Check it out at Keely's place over at the un-mom

Random Tuesdays 'cause it's Tuesday

All I wanted to do this weekend is see some of the movies nominated for Oscars. I haven’t seen Milk, Revolutionary Road, Slumdog Millionaire….even the long Brad Pitt old guy/baby movie looks cool. Instead I saw ‘Madagascar 2’. It was stupid. Although, the ‘dying hole’ bit was pretty funny (you see, when the animals get sick they need to pick out a ‘dying hole’ to dig and then just lay there to die. All you see are these heads sticking out and everyone pretty much ignores them, but then the main giraffe decides to become a doctor, and…...oh never mind).

I want to go dancing this weekend. I don’t really do that anymore (unless I’m dragged there by my bar-fly friend), but lately I’ve been getting the urge to get down with my bad self. There is a band called Absofunkinlutely playing at the one bar I will agree to go to, and they’re described as an R&B/funk/disco band which is right up my alley. Hopefully I can get a little posse together and have a girl’s night out.

I called my little girl a drama queen this weekend. She is one, trust me. She thought it was a compliment of the highest order - one step up from princess, after all. This morning she was still talking about it (but she’s only three so she couldn’t really remember exactly what it was I was calling her), and when we arrived at daycare she proudly announced to her group that she is a ‘drag queen’. I love it.

I should really give blood. I work directly across the street from the Red Cross (oops, Canadian Blood Services) and I haven’t ever donated. We can’t call it the Red Cross anymore because they infected a lot of people with Hep C and HIV in the 90’s. They felt the best way to deal with that little whoops is to change their name, and then turn around and blame the ‘old’ Red Cross. This province does that a lot.

For example, the last conservative government we had in power (in the 80’s) ended with most of the elected officials going to prison for stealing tax payer money. They were called the Conservative Party, but after they all had to go to jail the few of them left standing decided it might be a good idea to change their name. They are now called the ‘Saskatchewan Party’ and actually WON the last election.

People around here really aren’t that bright.

Except me. I really should be running things.

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week 7

I’m still having a hard time this week staying on the straight and narrow post vacation. I worked out four times, and it was hit and miss with the food. The weekend is still a bit of a problem for me.

Also, I’ve been struggling a little bit with the role of the blog. It certainly helps me – no question about it, but what is the message I’m communicating here? Someone very close to me said something about my blog the other day that was so off the mark I found it quite offensive. He said, “Yeah, the blog. I’ve read it. It’s just a way to slam skinny people in a light hearted way”

Huh? That is not at all the point. Not even remotely close or even almost resembling the point. At all. Um, dude? This blog is about ME. Interesting that the people closest to me who should be my rock of support don’t get it. Strangers from other countries? You all seem to get it just fine.

I’m not just ‘slamming’ skinny people here, in fact I think I make fun of myself more than anyone else anyway. I throw some jokes in here and there because it’s my writing style and I’m hoping you will take my wife, pleeease. Ba da dom.

I do not have some bone to pick with skinny people – everyone I know is skinny. Seriously – 100% of all of my friends are thin people. The biggest problem any of them have is trying to lose the last five or ten pounds of hanging around baby weight. I’d be pretty lonely if I had some grudge against skinny people. I’ve had the same friends for twenty years and body shape is not a qualifier. They don’t give a shit that I’m fat. I need them, they get me. Besides, there are plenty of other reasons to make fun of them and I do, frequently. Hey, it's just all part of my charm!

This is actually fairly important to me, what I’m doing here. It’s my own on-line journal and I keep myself honest all week with thoughts of having to update the world on Monday. While it may look stupid, this is my way of trying to accomplish something that has been pretty hard for me for a lot of years. I put it out there like this to get the support I need. And, it’s working. While I have some good weeks and some bad weeks, it’s working. Casey, the head Nagger-in-Chief over at Hasay was kind enough to ask me to guest post this week's Hasay update located here. Go check it out! I’m very flattered she asked me because it means that someone somewhere is reading this and doesn’t think I’m just a bittered old fat girl who is a stupid joke. I’m a snarky, overly sarcastic fat girl who writes her own stupid jokes. There is a difference people!

Usually when someone I love really disappoints me I eat crap. I hereby vow not to fall into that again. This week will be a better week! I’m going to try a few new things – new exercises, new foods, some new drugs and possibly an eating disorder. Ha! See? I kid.

(Disclaimer - that joke was not directed at any skinny people. I love you in all your lu-lu lemon glory)

I just weighed myself and I’ve lost 3.5 pounds this week. Really?? Wow - this has got to be some kind of miracle. I'm going to double check my bowl of cornflakes now because the face of Jesus must be floating in there.

This means I lost the 2.5 pounds I gained last week, plus another pound on top of that! Do you know what this means?? I'm officially over the first landmark, the FIRST TEN POUNDS! Yay me!! I'm mentally jumping up and down high-fiving myself right now.

So far I have lost 10.5 pounds. I have 49.5 to go.