Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The one where I resurface and start talking again

Dear Internet:

First of all, I would like to apologize for abruptly leaving for three years without so much as a ‘Dear John’ note or a forwarding address. Some shit went down and I was relocated into the witness protection program.  Since 2011 I’ve been living as Maxine Fisher in Idaho.  I have a potato farm and raise pheasants.  Kind of like the “Rabbits for sale – pets or meat” lady from Roger and Me.

Just kidding. I got bored and lazy and just stopped dealing with it.  But a few notable updates have occurred since I last checked in:
  1. I am still at my bowling alley job, I still really like it, and couldn’t be happier I made the move when I did.
  2. I'm getting divorced. I didn’t really want to get divorced, but in the immortal words of Mick Jagger, “you can’t always get what you want”.
  3. But you know what?  Turns out Mick knows his shit, because “sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.”  I didn’t really know it six months ago, but I needed to get divorced. And that’s all I have to say about that.
  4.  Fat Chick …..I’m still dealing with that, but after getting SUPER fat again, I’ve managed to lose 35 pounds since September.  It started off as the misery diet, but somewhere around mid-October it became the fuck-you diet.    Spite = Best. Motivator. Ever
  5. I am a single adult now for the first time in my whole entire life.  And I'm going to do some stuff. Fun Stuff. Grown-up stuff. And I want to write about it.

For example, the other day I went on a date.  My first official date. Like, ever. (Taylor Swift voice)

I’m 40.  

See how much ground I have to make up here people?

I’ll tell you about that later. Baby steps and all.