I cheated. I’m a big fat cheating cheater who cheats.
Okay, so……this week sucked. I suck. I suck huge donkey balls. I let life derail me. I was all, “Life dealt me a shitty hand and therefore I get to eat crap.” I ate shitty food, I didn’t exercise really at all, and I drank too much. More than once.
A few days I was okay with the food. Actually, I was feeling so shitty I didn’t eat much of anything. One day the only thing I ingested the entire day was a cheeseburger and vodka. I’m pretty sure that’s not really very healthy. That might be standard operating procedure if I was some tweaked out little skank getting ready to shoot a music video, but alas, I'm not. I know better.
My career is going to shit and I have let that sad fact get in the way of the weight-loss mission. How stupid is that?? In this current employment climate, I really could have it a lot worse. I’m a government employee who still has a job, good wage, great benefits, a pension, etc. Mine is definitely a first-world problem. It’s not like I need to carry a bucket on my head for five miles three times a day to provide my family with water or anything. I spent yesterday evening bemoaning my problems over a steak dinner and a glass of shiraz for crying out loud. I’m pretty sure people have bigger problems than me.
Yet, I let my life circumstance derail my progress. I have been at this eight weeks now – shouldn’t I have found a rhythm? Why can’t I get this food and exercise thing under control? How do I let myself cave in so often?
I would never, ever, EVER cheat on my husband. Ever. Even when I really want to, I would never actually do it. I know this young guy who is somewhere in his twenties and is so dreamy every time I look at him the song ‘Mrs. Robinson’ starts playing in my head. While he may not be into a chubby thirty-something at first glance, let’s be honest - he’s a guy. If I was so inclined, I could have my way with him. But, I won’t. I took a vow, and that is just not an option anymore. Sometimes I wish I could venture away from the familiar man (that I love), but I know it would do nothing but ruin my life so I won’t.
Why doesn’t the same resolve apply to food? Why is it just not as simple as – ‘I just can’t eat that because it will ruin me.’? Why can I be so faithful in all areas but one? I am not a weak person. Why is this so hard? I’m only screwing myself. This post is depressing.
I just weighed in and somehow still managed to drop two pounds this week. Stress must burn a lot of calories.
I have 47.5 pounds to go.
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9 comments:
I'm sorry you're feeling so down-in-the-dumps-ish. You've got to forgive yourself though, backsliding on a diet is very different from adultery. For one, if you had that hot dreamy guy waltzing around your house in a towel and giving you backrubs and your husband giving you the thumbs up sign, then maybe it would be closer. We all feel like shit sometimes and food makes us feel better. You screwed up one day, just do better the next, you know? Sending you cyber-HASAY-hugs.
It could have been worse - it didn't derail you completely.
And yeah, food makes itself AWFULLY tempting. I'm not sure the analogy is accurate.
Nice work on the 2 lbs though!
This is rough stuff, for sure.
I like what the other commenters wrote.
It's not the same... we need food to survive, so it's an extra mind fuck. The hot guy? It might seem that way at times, but really, not so much.
Keep your chin up! Sending you good bloggy vibes.
I know the fat feeling. Tomorrow I'm biting the bullet and joining the club that no one wants to be a member of - Weight Watchers. UGH. I want to cry.
But two pounds is good. Think positively. Try not to stress about the job, either. I'm finding that's not helping me.
Oh sweetie...
It's ok, you are allowed to have bad weeks...
We all overlook the good, when we get caught up in the everyday - try not to let it get you too down...
It will get better, promise
Me and food.. we have an easy time ignoring each other.. If I work at it for a few days, I can simply stop eating anything but dinner. And yeah, it gets pounds off quickly.. but the end result is.. um.. well, kind of gross. So I have the challenge of losing weight in a healthy way (i.e. exercising and replacing that chub with buff).. otherwise I look like a big saggy-baggy-sag-a-muffin. Ew.
Good luck, babe.. you'll get there. And while it seems like you need to follow the rules to a T when you're trying to lose weight, in real life, you won't *always* eat healthy.. so indulging on occasion while dieting is pretty okay too.
See, you even still managed to drop a couple pounds. Keep it up!
(and this whole comment may just be a good example of my propensity for bullshit.. since well, it's the first of your Fat Chick vs Food posts that I've read..)
Wow, I think I burned some calories just reading about your stress! I hope your spirits lift soon, or the spirits lift you soon, bottle or otherwise. :-)
2 lbs is still great!
You can't do that with food because, surprise surprise, humans can actually get by without sex. Not so much with food. Plus when you're younger you're more likely to develop food coping problems than sex coping problems. A lot more likely.
Also, if your problem were actually "... I need to carry a bucket on my head for five miles three times a day to provide my family with water..."
The solution is actually easier than it seems. Move.
And knowing that ladies think about banging young fellows at the office really lightened my spirits! I'm a young fellow, and while I'm no Brad Pitt, I'm certainly don't look like Beetle-Juice or anything. I wonder if any of the married ladies have thought about cheating with me...
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