Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Random Tuesday - the one where I torture my husband with memories of the slammer, old boyfriends and tales of fantasy dogs.

randomtuesday

My teenage daughter got her eyebrow pierced while she was away for a week in Ottawa/Montreal with her school choir last month. Apparently the legal age for drilling holes in your face is only sixteen in Ontario. You know, I think it actually looks kind of cute. At least until the infection sets in and half her face rots off.

Note to skinny girls everywhere who are lurking behind me while I’m weighing myself at the gym – “OMG I just have to say that you TOTALLY don’t look like you weigh that much!!” is not actually a compliment. Thanks anyway though.

The Hubby just got a full-time teaching contract for next fall! Yay!! Employment and regular pay cheques are magnificent. I wonder if the bill collector lady misses me yet.

My husband refuses to accept my ‘confirm you are married to FoN’ request on facebook. He thinks that if people he works with see my profile his career will be over. So, he basically is refusing to marry me. Real nice, huh? I need to figure out a way to publish my blog url in his school newsletter. Holy crap, he would be SO mad at me! Even madder than the time he was arrested while driving my car because the plates turned up over $400 of unpaid parking tickets. Trust me, he was SUPER pissed about that one.

But holy crap was it funny.

Speaking of facebook, here is an interesting experiment.....go through all of your facebook friends and see how many of them you’ve made out with at one point or another. I have made out with at least four, and possibly six of my ‘facebook’ friends. Respectable, but not overly whorish considering I have about 150 'friends'. I honestly can’t confirm or deny the other two – cheap wine coolers have a way of obscuring accurate memory details. Four for sure though.

I’ve been thinking lately that I really want to get a dog. I know they are expensive, messy, time consuming and all around a giant pain in the ass, but I want one anyway. Besides, MY dog will be super friendly, non-shedding, non-jumping, wonderfully socialized and perfectly behaved at all times. He will also love kids, only bark at the bad people and clean up his own poop. So it will be fine.

That’s as random as I’m ever going to get, so now go see Keely and peruse the other indiscriminate bloggers of Tuesday.

Git.

24 comments:

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

I love the Git. I love being sworn at in British English :)

I also love the tickets thing. Oh if only you had a hidden camera mounted in the car right?

Happy RTT!

Jenni said...

My dogs make my life miserable. That may be overstating it, but they are definitely overrated.

Your husband getting arrested for your parking tickets? Priceless.

Michele said...

When you find that dog I want a puppy from the litter, okay?

Arrested for parking tickets? hilarious!

CaJoh said...

Not sure how you're going to train your dog to clean up after itself, but it would make a great How To post.

Thanks for your randomness,

robin said...

Funny, I have done that same count on facebook too... with guys who have uh, seen me naked. It's not all that high either but I definitely haven't shared that info with my husband. Not sure he'd be too pleased about that one.
Happy RTT!

Keely said...

Have I got a dog for YOU!

*smiles endearingly*

Kingsmom said...

That is so funny. And I would have turned around and kicked the girl at the gym in the shins. For sure.

Heidi said...

You are one funny lady :-) ... write more often.. I don't care if you have a job, kids, a house to clean... soon dog poo to pick up (cause there ain't no dog gonna do it itself.. unless they eat it and you don't want to have that convo - although... it's true.. many a pooch eat their poo)....

I wanna read more funny stuff....

Frogs in my formula said...

Git!

I was just thinking of all my facebook friends and how many of them I've slept with! It is good clean fun, ey?

Jennifer said...

So basically your dog is going to be just like your kids... that get pierced without permission.

Totally joking.

Aunt Juicebox said...

Oooh the eyebrow! My brother had a friend who had his eyebrow piercing ripped out in a bar fight - twice! lol And another friend of mine, hers kept growing out of her brow. I didn't know they could do that, but she had it redone at least 3 times before she gave up and now has a scar there. I don't know if some people are just allergic to the metal or something? I hate my brows, so I don't think I'd want to draw extra attention to them. LOL

Nicole said...

You make me laugh...really hard. I told all my blogger friends about you and we all agree your freakin hilarious. Keep em coming!!

Elisa @ Globetrotting in Heels said...

hmmmm... 7 out of 261, could have been 9 but I restrained myself with two of them ;-)

I love eyebrow piercings! I wish I could have gotten one when I was a teen, but my mom was not on board with the whole piercing thing, so even with my nose and belly button piercing, I had to wait until I was out of the house, married and out of her claws.

As for the skinny girl, you should have donkey-kicked her and said "ooops, sorry, us heavier-than-we-look girls can be so clumsy." Skinny bitch is right.

momoftwins said...

LOVE YOUR BLOG - LOVE READING OF ABOUT OTHER FOLKS KIDS ISSUES = I'M JUST GETTING STARTED

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY BLOG == I'M LOOKING FOR FOLLOWERS TO MOTIVATE ME -- I AM A WORKING MOM WITH ISSUES !!
BLOG: MOMOFTWINS

momoftwins said...

I have to say I absolutely love your blog. I think because possibly we are a lot alike ... that may be strange coming from a random stranger but trust I do not have any stalker issues. I just love to see other moms with issues and the balls to share it with the world. I have a blog - maybe you could check it out. I too hate skinny girls in the gym. I am struggling to raise two teen age boys and could use a daiquiri just about every day of my life!

Raven said...

I'm sorry, but I think the fact that your hubby got arrested for your parking tickets is absolutely hilarious, not to mention priceless. I'll have to remember that one. If I ever get married.

I want to get my eyebrow pierced but I think I'm just far too old. Maybe if I were thinner. If one of my kids got one I could live vicariously through them, but no such luck. They don't want any holes in their face. *sigh*

TIGHTWAD said...

Hey K + D, I love your blog and gave you a shoutout today in my blogs I love series. Hope you'll pop by for a visit! Cheers, Emma @ Tightwad

sandbox gems said...

Hello! Just stumbled on your blog from BlogFrog. Funny! I am now following.

Kara said...

Can you please tell me where to get one of those dogs you speak of? I want one too!

Sandra said...

Funny you mentioned making out in the past with your Facebook friends, I think FB is terrific for getting closure from those old boyfriends! It's like, "I'm sorry I broke up when we were 16, but you turned out pretty good, we should hook up!" Um...no. You're 44 and are still working at McDonalds.
Loved reading you, am looking forward to more. Thank you.

beth said...

Your husband would get along great with mine...they think a lot alike!

Kate said...

I found your site from Servant To a King. I love it. I’m going to poke around a little bit, but don’t worry I’ll put everything back where I found it!!

netbook said...

enjoyed visiting your site, great job

Lynear Thinking said...

Always entertaining as usual. The face will heal. The husband will get a belly someday and maybe go bald. The dog and the husband are in parallel universes are in collusion: the dog will promise to be a good dog and not pee off target, and eventually grow old and annoy you. Husbands do that too. P.S. I am sure your husband deserved to be arrested for some unpaid carma. He had it coming. :)