Fat Chick vs. Food - Week Seventeen

Week seventeen. Yeah……it’s coming off the rails, folks.

I should be down at least 35 pounds at this point and I’m not. I can hear my inner-skinny person yelling at me, but it’s pretty faint and muffled -

“Help me! I’ve fallen down and some giant Fat Chick is sitting on me and I can’t get up!” Heeeeelllllpppp Mmmmeeeeee…….”

My accomplishments so far have been respectable, but by no means awe inspiring. I’ve taken the edge off my fatness, but I’m still miles away from being fit and healthy. I feel and look better, but my progress has been non-existent for about the past month. I need to re-focus here. Fo sho.

Let’s have an Oprah moment, shall we? Why, exactly, is my commitment to kicking Fat Chick’s ass waning? Yes, I am very busy and my schedule is a definite cause of my lack of exercise and less than stellar diet choices lately. With three kids, a new job and various other commitments I can totally use lack of time as an actual reason why I have not been able to exercise and eat right everyday. But, that begs the question. How badly do I want to make this change? If some crazed lunatic broke into my house and kidnapped one of my kids and told me I would only get her* back if I ate a balanced diet and worked out everyday, I’m pretty sure I would magically find some time. It wouldn’t be easy, but I’d find it somewhere. Alas, I don’t have such a threat hanging over me and therefore when I finally get home and flop my fat ass on the couch it’s pretty easy to convince it to stay there. Who wants to go to the gym when Jack Bauer just found out that Tony Almeda betrayed him? Please! Gym shmym.

So, according to daytime talk show logic there is another reason I’m ‘choosing’ to stay fat. I have some deep seeded issues around body image, my parents, self-esteem or some long buried childhood trauma that is manifesting itself in shield of fat. Is there anyone else out there that thinks that line of thinking smacks a little of bullshit? I agree that for people who need to be cut out of their house and transported via semi-trailer there is probably some other issue at work there, but what about the rest of us regular fat people? Aren’t there any of us who are just plain straight up lazy? Do we ALL have some problem that reveals itself as fat? There are a lot of fat people in the world. I can’t believe that every last one of us would be raring to go the minute we fixed whatever emotional problem we have that is making us fat.

I like relaxing, and eating food that tastes good, and seeing my children for more than 30 minutes a day. I don’t like waking up at 5 a.m. to exercise, or tasteless food, or missing a night out with girls. But the thing is I really don’t like being fat, either. Not even a little. So…off I go. Week seventeen here I come. I am going to find some time this week to workout and my hidden emotional trauma and Jack Bauer are just going to have to suck it.

I gained 1.5 pounds last week. That means I still have 38 pounds to go.

* I’m assuming a crazed lunatic would take one the girls. The boy’s bedroom is at the back of the house and kind of hard to get to, and even if he manages to find him I’m pretty sure a crazed lunatic would trip on one of the 500 action figures spread all over the floor, waking everyone in the house with his swearing while he pulled out the transformer action figure piece that had became embedded in his knee cap.