Friday, January 2, 2009

Fat Chick vs Food

I know I am very cliché posting about how I’m going to get into shape in 2009, but that’s fine. I’ve made peace with my typically average existence. I have a mini-van that I drive my son to soccer games in. I have a double car garage and a backyard that is home to summer bbq’s and trampolining children. I like reality television shows. I am in an average amount of debt for a 30-something. I listen to Neil Diamond cd’s and I’m just fine with all of this. In fact, I quite enjoy my clichéd existence. I have made peace with how my life has turned out so far and am generally satisfied. I have not, however, made peace with the fact that I am a super huge fat person now. That was never part of the plan.

I’m fucking HUGE. I’m not talking the 10 or 20 lbs an average person puts on around the time their 20 year high school reunion is looming or after having their second baby in as many years. We’re talking a gain of 60lbs over the last ten years. And I was 20lbs over my high school weight then. It’s really not cool. If I continue at this rate I’m going to need Dr. Phil to come over and cut me out of my house while the neighbours watch in horror as they load me on to a fire truck to get me out because it’s the only vehicle available that was big enough to hold me. That would suck.

My problem is (and always has been) that I’m an immediate gratification type person, and I find food extremely gratifying. I love cooking and I’ve gotten pretty good at it in the last decade or so. I also like drinking beer, eating chocolate and I think potato chips are a little slice of heaven right here on earth. When I chase those bad boys with a Coke I am having a little party for one! I also HATE exercising. A lot. The only thing I enjoyed doing and would do on even a semi-consistent basis was to play squash. The only courts in town closed down three months ago.

Yeah, yeah, yeah….bitch and moan and poor me already and blah blah blah and just put the bagel down and get your fat ass on the treadmill already. It sounds easy, but it’s really not that simple for me. I think I have taken this whole thing to the absolute extreme and have managed to create myself a full blown eating disorder. I think about food ALL THE TIME. I plan the next meal while I’m eating the current meal. Do other people do that? I don’t think they do.

I am under no illusion here that the 17 year-old 125 pound bikini clad FoN is every coming back. She’s gone for ever and I accept that. However, the 35 year-old giant shirt wearing size 36 jean FoN needs to hit the road too. That is enough of this shit already. I look ridiculous and feel like shit.

I really hope I can do this. I don’t know how exactly I’m going to do it yet – but I’m working on a plan as we speak. It will probably involve some kind of internet humiliation tactic because I need some serious motivation here. I’ll let you know what I come up with on Monday which will now be the day I post my weekly progress. I will need support so bring it on. Please!


Keely said...

Okay. I have a few strategies in mind and we'll see how they jive with your plan of attack over sushi tomorrow, because sushi is WAY healthy for you. Deal?

Fon said...

Sounds good. I see a lot of sushi in my future since it's the ONLY food I really enjoy that is good for you.

Casey said...

Keely sent me your way, glad she did. That entire part about packing on the lbs post-high school is totally me. I'm between 50-60lbs up from my HS weight and I HATE it. I have complete Al Bundy syndrome and want that body back. At least a slightly bigger version.
I think about my next meal while I'm eating the current one, you're not alone. Up until this point, my half-hearted attempts at weight loss have sucked major ass but I'm going to really give it a go this time. Good luck to you doing the same!