Tuesday, December 3, 2013

The one where I resurface and start talking again

Dear Internet:

First of all, I would like to apologize for abruptly leaving for three years without so much as a ‘Dear John’ note or a forwarding address. Some shit went down and I was relocated into the witness protection program.  Since 2011 I’ve been living as Maxine Fisher in Idaho.  I have a potato farm and raise pheasants.  Kind of like the “Rabbits for sale – pets or meat” lady from Roger and Me.

Just kidding. I got bored and lazy and just stopped dealing with it.  But a few notable updates have occurred since I last checked in:
  1. I am still at my bowling alley job, I still really like it, and couldn’t be happier I made the move when I did.
  2. I'm getting divorced. I didn’t really want to get divorced, but in the immortal words of Mick Jagger, “you can’t always get what you want”.
  3. But you know what?  Turns out Mick knows his shit, because “sometimes you just might find, you get what you need.”  I didn’t really know it six months ago, but I needed to get divorced. And that’s all I have to say about that.
  4.  Fat Chick …..I’m still dealing with that, but after getting SUPER fat again, I’ve managed to lose 35 pounds since September.  It started off as the misery diet, but somewhere around mid-October it became the fuck-you diet.    Spite = Best. Motivator. Ever
  5. I am a single adult now for the first time in my whole entire life.  And I'm going to do some stuff. Fun Stuff. Grown-up stuff. And I want to write about it.

For example, the other day I went on a date.  My first official date. Like, ever. (Taylor Swift voice)

I’m 40.  

See how much ground I have to make up here people?

I’ll tell you about that later. Baby steps and all.  


Casey said...

I think I remember you. :)

Glad you're still kicking. I'm still around too, lurking in the shadows and contemplating blogging one day.

Sorry about the divorce but glad if it worked out for the best. And happy to see you back!

Michele said...

Welcome back!

I remember blogging, I just don't get a lot of time.

Divorce sucks but sometimes all you can do. Losing fuck you weight is the best response.

Hope to see more of you soon.

Frogs in my formula said...

Bowling balls and um, a search for new, um, male balls. Good for you. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but I hope you find what you need. Has it really been three years? Like, really??

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Unknown said...

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