One step away from keeping a dog in my purse

I used to work for a community development organization. I would help poor people buy houses, prepare for jobs, build relationships and improve their lives. I would raise money for community economic development projects, set up co-operatives, guide volunteers and organize community leaders towards working for the people in their neighbourhood. In their neighbourhood. In their neigh-bour-hood HEY

Today I finished up what was supposed to be a two day meeting a half a day early. Since I was sure the meeting would go most of the day, I had ordered lunch for everyone. Consequently, there was a lot of food leftover since most people jumped ship as soon as the meeting was done.

I thought it would be a nice gesture to take the leftover sandwiches and veggie tray to the mission. So I packaged up the food, jumped in my car and drove to the ‘hood to feed the poor. Aren’t I thoughtful?

I arrived at the doors and got out of my 2008 Nissan Pathfinder SUV wearing my business suit and heels. I opened the hatch and moved my golf clubs out of the way (they were still in there because I spent Monday afternoon golfing in a corporate golf tournament on a beautiful private course), and took the food into the building.

There were a couple of people sitting outside of the doors having a smoke and they smiled politely. I walked in and handed the food to the first staff person I saw, and they thanked me politely.

Then I got in my giant SUV and drove back to my office located on the top floor of my tall downtown office building.

I felt like a complete asshole.

The definition of obnoxious - dropping sandwiches off at the shelter in an SUV and having to move golf clubs out of the way to get the food out. While wearing heels and a suit.

How did I get here? When did I move from making fun of ‘those’ people to being one of ‘those’ people?

Seven years ago I was the one smiling politely to the business suit people when they decided to slum it for an hour and make their way to the ‘hood to drop something off they felt the poor and withering masses needed or wanted.

Now I am the one being smiled at.

The trade off, of course, is ease of life. I left working non-profit because in order to work for poor people, you have to chose to be poor. In 2008 I paid more in income tax than I earned while working community development in an entire year. It was too hard to be poor. I had the ability to get out..... so I did.

Most poor people can’t get out of poverty whenever they like. Most of them have to battle through addiction, mental health problems, abuse, racism, a long family history of poverty and a complete absence of education or opportunity. I didn’t have those barriers, so I was able to change my circumstances a lot faster than most people can.

So, I left them and moved on up to a de-luxe apartment in the sky. It’s much more comfortable up here. I really like having a car – grocery shopping without one when it’s 40 below really sucks. I love being able to buy new shoes when I want them. I like taking my family on vacation and feeding them whatever I feel like cooking that day. We even go out for dinner from time to time.

I’m grateful for all of this, but….. today just kind of sucked. I miss the poor people. I feel like I have abandoned them. I miss doing something that really matters with my days and I fucking HATE the fact that I’m one of *those* people now.

Yeah, I know I can volunteer, but it’s really not the same. Working on the ground and being a real member of that community is what I miss. I want to be sitting on that step smoking a cigarette and smiling politely to the suits as they show up to donate some random thing in order to balance their karma and get into heaven.

Sorry, this post was kind of a bummer. I’ll try to be more entertaining tomorrow.

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week three

I haven’t had the best week, but I think I’m slowly getting back into the habit of not eating like later-years Elvis. I had a few wins (Trainer Lady kicked my ass on Wednesday. I deserved it), and a few loses (a friend I hadn’t seen in 8 years was in town for a visit this weekend and I indulged TOO much).

My fat lady boot camp class starts this week, and I’m pretty excited about it. Well, about as excited as I can get about something like that. I guess I’m looking forward to getting involved with something that might help me look less like Marlon Brando. That might be a more accurate statement.

There are a few things I have found along this little journey that I have found REALLY helpful. First of all, has anyone heard of this? http://www.sparkpeople.com/

It’s a really great FREE site that has the best nutrition counter I’ve ever seen. It also has menu suggestions, group chats and exercise suggestions. It’s really great, and it really is free. I have been a member for a while now and I haven’t even ever been spammed.

Also, tea really helps me with my munchie issue at night. There are a million kinds, but I think my favorite is bangle spice. A bit of skim milk and a sweetener and I almost feel like I’ve had dessert. Almost. And, it’s even decaf so I can have as many cups as I need to.

Oh! Did you guys know that the fudge bar at Dairy Queen is only 50 calories? It’s no blizzard, but it sure takes that sugar edge off. 50 calories for the whole bar!!

Now I need a good suggestion for a chip substitute. Anyone? Don’t say carrot sticks or I’ll make fun of you.

Wish me luck this week folks. I think I'm getting my mojo back.

Crazy Left-Wing Rant Part Deux

I used French there just to irritate the right wingers because I know you guys have a bone to pick with France. HA!

Anyhoo, most of you who responded to my rant yesterday about the Obama school children speech were pretty much members of the invisible choir I was preaching to. However, G-Man’s Mama is a proud right-winger and decided to chirp up. Which, I really appreciate because my little world consists mostly of hippies and Canadians and I really did want that point of view. Her comment was as follows –

"At the risk of being stoned I will admit to being one of those "right-wing nutjobs" you all are cussing. Here is the problem. Obama is a way left democrat. I would not want my children exposed to his ideals without knowing what the speech for about before hand. If the speech or a transcript were released before hand I would have let my children participate. The problem was not the speech that was planned it was the assignment after by the white house that asked "How would you help President Obama?" Um...last I checked he was our president as in for the people (or those that voted for him anyway). If it was Sarah Palin addressing the children of this nation all of the democrats would be figuring out "how to band together, bring on the crazy and then spread the madness like wildfire." Just sayin'."

Thanks, G-Man's Mama. While I still don’t really understand that position, it was delivered articulately and at least flirted with logic. It was certainly a significantly better way of communicating a point of view than the crazy screaming people I’ve been watching on the news at those town hall meetings where somehow people have become convinced that Obama wants to kill them. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on, politicians don’t ever take the position that they want to kill people. It’s really hard to get re-elected with that platform.

It’s also interesting the ‘right’ (sorry, G-Man’s Mama, since you are the only one who spoke up for that side you are representing them ALL now) see Obama as a ‘far left-wing’ democrat. I would consider myself a far left-wing democrat, and Obama seems pretty moderate to me. I think health care should be completely free to everyone and you can just go right ahead and raise my taxes to make that happen. Obama is proposing a shared-cost/income based approach to health care.

I think America should immediately pull every last troupe out of Iraq, throw themselves on the mercy of the UN and beg the industrialized world for help cleaning up that horrible mess that should have never begun in the first place. Obama is going with a more cautious approach and still has soldiers over there trying to….well, do something I guess.

If Sarah Palin was to give a speech to school children I would absolutely let my kids hear it. First of all, I think it’s good for kids to hear all sides of the issues since they are the ones who are ultimately going to lead the country one day and the sooner they can learn about issues/points of view (although Obama’s speech was just about the importance of education, not a point of view), the sooner they can start deciding for themselves what is good for the country and themselves and what isn’t. Second of all, it would give me, as their parent, a perfect opportunity to talk to them about what someone like Sarah Palin has to say and how they feel about it (and how I feel about it). And, I would of course need the chance to clear up the fact that Africa is indeed a continent (sorry, couldn’t resist).

And lastly….the ‘right’ starting flipping out IMMEDIATELY. They had no details, they asked no questions about what Obama was planning to say (although that information was available), gave no thought as to how it might open up communications and discussion with their children, and lept to all kinds of conclusions that because it's Obama it just simply MUST be evil and involve some kind of satan worship.

Just the fact that a democrat (horrors!) was going to talk to their children was enough to make them completely lose their shit.

THAT smacks of partisanship way more than your President speaking to kids about why staying is school is a good idea to me. No? And, while I have you, G-Man’s Mama, wasn’t the whole mantra of the ‘right’ for the last eight years of George W rule that unless every American blindly supports the President he/she is a trader? Why doesn’t that theory apply anymore? ESPECIALLY to one little speech that has nothing whatsoever to do with politics?

I like the lively, respectful debate. I’d love to hear from some more right-wingers. And, for the record, when I say, ‘right-wing bat-shit crazy nut-jobs’ I’m referring to the screaming town hall people whose heads are about to explode. Reasoned, respectful right-wingers are just fine.

Although horribly misguided.

Okay, I’ll stop now.

Yo - Yanks! You are KILLING me up here.

I’m not American, so could you guys please explain this one to me?

Your President, the guy you overwhelmingly elected to the top office of the country (I’ll just take a minute here to say, on behalf of the entire planet, THANK YOU), spoke directly to all the students in your country at the beginning of the school year. His speech to the youth included the following quotes –

"Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That's the opportunity an education can provide."

"You can't drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it. This isn't just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country."

“What you're learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future."

“You'll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You'll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You'll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy. If you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country."

Before and after this speech, I have read much in the media about how parents were OUTRAGED that the President would have the nerve to speak to their children. One of my ‘facebook’ friends (I went to high school with her and have never seen her since. She moved to America ) had this her status,

“Who does he think he is? Would HE let anyone speak directly to his kids without knowing what they are going to SAY?”

Uhh…..alright. Who does he think he is? Seriously?? What was she worried he was going to do? Start telling the kids some new fart jokes?

And here are some reactions from the right -

“That's Obama-centric. It's not focused on education but on the worship of Barack Obama," Michael Leahy, spokesman for the conservative grassroots Nationwide Tea Party Coalition, told AFP. "This is indoctrination, pure and simple, into the cult of Barack Obama, and we are opposed to that," he said.

And this -

Jim Greer, chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, raged that "Pied Piper Obama" was going "into the American classroom" to spread socialist ideology.

First of all…. Nationwide TEA PARTY Coalition?? Whose running that group, five year-old girls dressed in fairy princess dresses? Lena Chairs a tea party in her room with Mr. Floppy and Yellow Turtle every night, and even she would have the good sense to realize boycotting children from hearing your PRESIDENT speak is really fucking stupid.

(for the record I know that name is probably a reference to the Boston Tea Party brouhaha of seventeen hundred and whatever. Still stupid though)

Not to mention the fact that nothing included in Obama's speech had anything remotely to do with socialism, cults or even politics.

Your democratically elected leader decided he would speak to your children about the importance of education, working for a future, the betterment of the country and being contributing members of a democratic society.

What a bastard.

Please, I’m begging you – can someone explain to me why some Americans think that the President speaking directly to school children about the importance of education and their role in the country makes him an evil, commie-loving narcissist who is just DYING to kill your grandma?

Anyone? Seriously - I'm all ears.

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week Two

Here we are at week two! You can tell I’m enthusiastic by the exclamation point, right?! Right?!! And Casey at Hasay is back! To check on the Hasayers a year after starting their club, pop on over for a visit.

I met with Trainer Lady this week for an assessment. As part of the boot camp/getoffyourfatassalready classes she is hosting (starts next week) she has to assess everyone so we know where our starting place is. I have the unfortunate advantage of having a comparable; the assessment I had in January when I started my fitness plan and then the reassessment I had in March when I was kicking all kinds of ass.

I am now back up to only one pound shy of what I weighed in MARCH. Ugh. My fitness level is about the same or has even improved a little though, so that DID make me feel somewhat better about completly SUCKING this summer. I haven’t totally given up on the exercise. The problem is clearly the food. I like food. Food is good. Everything is always so much better when you get to have some bacon.

I haven’t been going to Trainer Lady much this summer, and after our meeting last week I think she gets that I need a kick in the ass. So she gave me homework. It was to figure out how many calories I will burn if I take the stairs at work instead of the elevator. That’s when I found this - http://www.caloriesperhour.com/index_burn.php

The most hysterical calorie counter EVER. It seriously has a function for every possible activity known to man. If I throw a hammer and then go polka dancing for twenty minutes, I will have burned 205 calories! If I fold me some laundry and then ride a unicycle for 15 minutes, I’m 149 calories down! It’s totally my new favorite website.

I’m going to really try and focus on the food part this week. That definitely seems to be my weakness. I have a ridiculously healthy eating boss, so maybe I’ll just follow her around at lunch and eat grass with her for a week. Sounds good, right?! The exclamation point says so!!

I just burned 43 calories writing this blog. Pass the bacon.

And then we turned 30....

There are four main peeps in my posse. You have already met Keely, of course, and I believe I have mentioned Valentina and Politica a time or two around these parts. It’s really too bad Keely started blogging first and didn’t feel it necessary to hide behind the veil of a trumped up nick-name because now we all have cool aliases and she is still just Keely. When I put us all together in print like that it sounds like she hangs around a bunch of strippers and superheroes. Anyway….

The four of us went to high school together and have remained pretty close for the last (mumble mumble) years. We’re pretty much the same age, with all of us having birthdays within about 13 months of each other. Valentina is the oldest with Keely bring up the rear 13 months later. This if course means Valentina was the first one to turn 30.

Feeling it necessary to celebrate in a big way we planned a surprise party that included bringing Politica in from BC. She jumped at the chance since it was April and a trip to Saskatchewan would give her the opportunity to turn her nose up at our lack of adequate foliage. Keely was traipsing around New Zealand somewhere at the time, but we weren’t going to let that stop Politica and I from partying with our newly minted cougar.

We shelved the husbands and kids and took off to our neighbouring city about 3 hours away for a weekend of shopping, eating, drinking, laughing, pillow fights in our underwear and tickle parties (that last bit was just for all you male readers). We had a great time and definitely ushered Valentina into her 30’s in style.

Then it was my turn. Again, the girls planned a SURPRISE! party. Now I figured they would do something, but I was actually surprised when Politica arrived since she had just been here 6 months earlier. Keely had finally brought her Ozzy lovin’ ass home and was able to join us for a weekend trip to the spa. Off the four of us went and again, and it was awesome. We ate, we drank, we marinated ourselves in giant dry-cleaning bags stuffed with in seaweed, swam in some salty water and they even treated me to my very first manicure. I’m pretty sure that was strategic ‘cause if anyone needs a manicure it’s me. I have a nervous energy cuticle biting problem. But I digress…..

Then it was Politica’s turn! Clearly we had no choice but to head out to BC to celebrate her arrival into Club-30, right? Well, that was the position I was taking with the Hubby who was starting to raise an eyebrow about it all. I think the quote was,

“Holy shit, you guys are just turning 30. Why do you each need your own fucking Bat Mitzvah?”

Because we just DO, okay? Turning 30 to women is a big deal. Turning 30 to women is akin to a mans first incident of flaccidness. You want to be drunk when it happens.

So off we went to the bountiful blooming British Columbia so the three of us could be standing by with a warm dry towel when Politica was shoved out of the fountain of youth. You know the drill....we shopped, we ate we drank, blah, blah, blah… It was wonderful.

Then it was Keely's birthday. Holy shit, again? Alrighty....... Politica schlepped her ass back to Saskatchewan so we could have another weekend of indulgences. We rented a limo and went bar hopping. If you haven’t ever done that before, I highly recommend it because we had a blast. Keely refers to it fondly as the weekend we tried to kill her, and I’m pretty sure she hasn’t had more than three drinks in a row since. Her liver still sends me a Christmas card each year.

So, all in all it was a full year of partying our assess off. Looking back now I have no idea how we managed to afford to do all that, but we made it work somehow. I probably just fed my family KD for two straight months or something. KIDDING! Mr. Noodle is way cheaper.

So, we are now a stone’s throw from forty. But, like a really small stone you can throw really far. While the year of quarterly drunken madness was certainly fun, I think I might advocate just one group trip somewhere for the big 4-0. I think the four of us in Vegas would be pretty awesome. I better start sweet talking Keely's liver now.

Random Tuesday - It's okay - I'm crazy too

Hey there, Tuesday bloggers! I haven’t played in a while so I thought I would stop back in for a RTT. However, it appears that our hostess has slept in. Uh...Keely? I'm standing here all alone with that fugly button! Bueller? BUELLER?

Last week I went for lunch with some of my old co-workers. It was great. There is a comfortable familiarity that comes with working with the same people day in and day out for five years, and I still miss it. As we quickly fell back into comfortable rhythms I found myself thinking, “Wow, I really miss these guys. Why did I ever leave my job again?’ After we were done the conciliatory ‘how are the spouse/kids’ type conversations, it naturally turned to work and I started getting caught up on what I’ve been missing. By the end of the lunch I walked away with a firm, “Oh yeah. THAT’S why I left my job. It TOTALLY BLOWS there.” A nice little side reminder with my buffet.

Does anyone else watch A&E? What is with all the new shows based around crazy people? And I don’t say that lightly; I have had a toe over the mental illness line most of my adult life, so that buys me the right to use the word crazy. Very much how I get to use the word fat - I’ve earned my right into that club too. Anyway…

Where was I?

Oh yeah, A&E crazy people programming. I think they built their new broadcast schedule around trying to make the rest of us feel better. And it’s working! I watch Hoarders and suddenly my housekeeping skills improve dramatically. Intervention? Pfft. I don’t mind if I do have that third glass of wine, now that you mention it! Hey, it’s not like I’m huffing on the cool whip can or anything. After watching Obsessed it’s suddenly perfectly fine that my son hasn’t had a bath in four days. Germs aren’t bad for you! Get a grip already!

Thanks, A&E. You have done a wonderful job putting my shortcomings in perspective. I’m fucking perfect.

My daughter's ipod was broken. After 2 days of trying everything she could think of to make it work again she got so frustrated she started to cry, and magically - it started working again. No kidding, just like that. I immediately sent her out to the driveway to cry on her father’s truck that has been sitting there broken for two months. I’ll let you know if that works. If it does, look for ‘J’s Magical Revival Tent’ coming to a city near you.

Keely and Xander came over for dinner this weekend. Upon hearing the news that the dreamy Xander was on his way over (they are affianced, by the way), my three year-old insisted on primping. No kidding. She looked at her dirty little toes that had been running outside with no shoes on all day and announced that she needed a bath immediately because, “Xander just can’t see me like this.” I’m not sure if that’s super funny or the most horrifying thing I’ve ever heard. I guess he is pretty cute.

That’s it for me. I can’t find any more mental post-its or scribbles written on the back of envelopes hanging around anywhere. Go see Keely - she has much more faithful RTTers that won’t let you down. If she ever shows up, that is. Slacker.