Something else to love. Other than Neil Young, that is.

We up here in Canada have thanksgiving in October. I’m not sure why it’s celebrated at a different time of year than the States. Maybe we like to spread our holidays out a little more. Or maybe we really need that full seven weeks of hearing the elevator music version of ‘Frosty the Snowman’ every time we set foot in a mall and a November thanksgiving would just steal thunder away from the more revered Christmas. Whatever – all it means to me is that I get an extra day off in October.

The last few years we have spent this holiday traveling to Winnipeg to see my mother. Winnipeg is about a six hour drive from where I live, but I have three kids and to do that drive anymore than once a year would be downright masochistic. There is literary NOTHING to do or even look at. It is six solid hours of bald-ass prairie. But, being the dutiful daughter than I am, I feel it necessary to make an appearance in Winnipeg at least once a year and I usually choose thanksgiving.

I was born in Winnipeg and lived there until I was fourteen and my father got transferred to Vancouver. We were only in Vancouver for about six months when he was transferred again to Saskatchewan where I have lived ever since. Since I was still quite young when I settled in Saskatchewan, I consider it home more so than Winnipeg. So whenever I return to Winnipeg I always feel this mixture of nostalgia and disgust. I fucking hate Winnipeg.

I was a nerdy kid who was socially awkward and desperately wanted to have friends and be cool and be good at stuff. I wasn’t athletic, my grades were mediocre, I tried to be good at music but really wasn’t and I had no real hobbies or interests that I could attach myself to. I had two friends in elementary school and the rest of the time I had to duck and weave the verbal and physical attacks hurled at me on a daily basis (I'm talking to YOU, Rob Morese). My cousins were older and cool and had no interest whatsoever in dealing with me. I have one brother but he is almost six years younger than me so he didn’t really factor in to my life that much. My parents traveled a lot and when they were home they couldn’t wait for me to be ‘filed’ each night (that’s the word they used when it was time to put me to bed). They practically high-fived each other every night when I was finally out of their hair. I always wondered what the hell they did each night that they couldn’t do while I was around. Closet drug addicts? Sex fiends? Satan worshipers? Was Jacee Dugard chained up in our backyard? Who the fuck knows what they did each night, but it had to be something because they spent a lot of time figuring out how to get out of dealing with me.

Anyhoo, this really isn’t a ‘poor me’ post; I know everyone has their stories of bullshit they’ve had to deal with and many are far worse than mine. I just had to give you a little background on why I hate going to Winnipeg. It drags all that shit up for me and I prefer to leave it buried nicely under a giant piece of chocolate cake where it belongs.

While I was in Winnipeg this weekend I did have a chance to see a friend I hadn’t seen in a very long time. Our parents were friends so we sort of grew up together. Now she was cool. She was very smart and got great grades and was even in French emersion so she could speak A WHOLE OTHER LANGUAGE. She had beautiful long blonde hair and could swim forever and could ride a bike super fast. She was good at everything. She was very popular and everyone loved her and she even had three sisters which I badly envied. For some bizarre reason she liked me and was willing to be my friend. As kids we saw each other periodically throughout the school year, but we didn’t attend the same school and since she was so wildly popular and fucking good at everything she rarely had anytime to just hangout. But our parents would vacation together every year so each summer she was mine for two whole weeks!

We kept in contact into our early twenties, but work and life took over us both and we fell out of touch. She of course went off to dazzle everyone with her fabulousness (as a physiotherapist living in Minneapolis treating the Twins baseball team), and I took a job pushing paper, bought a house four blocks from where I grew up, married my high school sweetheart and had a bunch of kids. Natch.

Thanks to the invention of social networking, we have been chatting via facebook and made a plan to get together while I was in town for the annual pilgrimage. For various reasons she has recently moved back to Winnipeg and came over for some drinks with her new beau Saturday night. He’s cute, and very well behaved. He must really love her because he sat back and calmly watched us get completely shit faced on red wine and didn’t bat an eyelash.

It was really good to see her. I still have very few positive things to say about Winnipeg, but least now I have someone to share some good memories with (read: get drunk and giggle) when I’m there.

And yes, she is still fabulous. And still wants to be my friend. Cool, huh? I wonder if she could get me some baseball tickets…..

I'm a Gypsy

Hi there! I'm not really back, I'm just kickin' it over here for the day.

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week Four

I wasn’t able to get to my fat lady boot camp classes as planned because it was a very busy week at work and I had to work some evenings. This means I’ve missed two classes and I’m worried the other fat ladies won’t accept me now. Then I’ll be the loser who will be standing there alone when it’s time to pick a partner. That means I’ll have to pair up with Trainer Lady and next to her I look like Dom Deluise in girly workout clothes. Minus the beard, of course.

Speaking of Trainer Lady, she’s pretty fucking awesome. I don’t even have to suppress the urge to make fun of her, because while yes, she’s is iddy biddy and probably needs to wear weighted shoes when it’s windy outside, she somehow manages to never make me feel like a big fat person she feels sorry for. I like that about her. I’ve known other fitness crazed people in my life, and pretty much all of them were raging douche bags or mindless bimbos who would say the snottiest things ever and then try to wipe it all away with an extremely insincere, “Just kidding!”

The other amazing part about her is the never ending bag of crazy exercise tricks she’s got up her sleeve. Every time I see her she’s got some new horrible, yet beautifully effective (read: torturous) exercise for me to do. I’ve never been able to stump her, and it’s hysterical because she LOVES that shit. I have a theory that she really wanted to be a dominatrix but decided to go into kinesiology because she needed a profession she could tell her parents about.

So, I guess what I’m saying is that if you happen to be in the south Saskatchewan area, and you are fat or gimpy or both, get a hold or Trainer Lady. She’ll whip you good.

Probably not in *that* way though.

One step away from keeping a dog in my purse

I used to work for a community development organization. I would help poor people buy houses, prepare for jobs, build relationships and improve their lives. I would raise money for community economic development projects, set up co-operatives, guide volunteers and organize community leaders towards working for the people in their neighbourhood. In their neighbourhood. In their neigh-bour-hood HEY

Today I finished up what was supposed to be a two day meeting a half a day early. Since I was sure the meeting would go most of the day, I had ordered lunch for everyone. Consequently, there was a lot of food leftover since most people jumped ship as soon as the meeting was done.

I thought it would be a nice gesture to take the leftover sandwiches and veggie tray to the mission. So I packaged up the food, jumped in my car and drove to the ‘hood to feed the poor. Aren’t I thoughtful?

I arrived at the doors and got out of my 2008 Nissan Pathfinder SUV wearing my business suit and heels. I opened the hatch and moved my golf clubs out of the way (they were still in there because I spent Monday afternoon golfing in a corporate golf tournament on a beautiful private course), and took the food into the building.

There were a couple of people sitting outside of the doors having a smoke and they smiled politely. I walked in and handed the food to the first staff person I saw, and they thanked me politely.

Then I got in my giant SUV and drove back to my office located on the top floor of my tall downtown office building.

I felt like a complete asshole.

The definition of obnoxious - dropping sandwiches off at the shelter in an SUV and having to move golf clubs out of the way to get the food out. While wearing heels and a suit.

How did I get here? When did I move from making fun of ‘those’ people to being one of ‘those’ people?

Seven years ago I was the one smiling politely to the business suit people when they decided to slum it for an hour and make their way to the ‘hood to drop something off they felt the poor and withering masses needed or wanted.

Now I am the one being smiled at.

The trade off, of course, is ease of life. I left working non-profit because in order to work for poor people, you have to chose to be poor. In 2008 I paid more in income tax than I earned while working community development in an entire year. It was too hard to be poor. I had the ability to get out..... so I did.

Most poor people can’t get out of poverty whenever they like. Most of them have to battle through addiction, mental health problems, abuse, racism, a long family history of poverty and a complete absence of education or opportunity. I didn’t have those barriers, so I was able to change my circumstances a lot faster than most people can.

So, I left them and moved on up to a de-luxe apartment in the sky. It’s much more comfortable up here. I really like having a car – grocery shopping without one when it’s 40 below really sucks. I love being able to buy new shoes when I want them. I like taking my family on vacation and feeding them whatever I feel like cooking that day. We even go out for dinner from time to time.

I’m grateful for all of this, but….. today just kind of sucked. I miss the poor people. I feel like I have abandoned them. I miss doing something that really matters with my days and I fucking HATE the fact that I’m one of *those* people now.

Yeah, I know I can volunteer, but it’s really not the same. Working on the ground and being a real member of that community is what I miss. I want to be sitting on that step smoking a cigarette and smiling politely to the suits as they show up to donate some random thing in order to balance their karma and get into heaven.

Sorry, this post was kind of a bummer. I’ll try to be more entertaining tomorrow.

Fat Chick vs. Food - Week three

I haven’t had the best week, but I think I’m slowly getting back into the habit of not eating like later-years Elvis. I had a few wins (Trainer Lady kicked my ass on Wednesday. I deserved it), and a few loses (a friend I hadn’t seen in 8 years was in town for a visit this weekend and I indulged TOO much).

My fat lady boot camp class starts this week, and I’m pretty excited about it. Well, about as excited as I can get about something like that. I guess I’m looking forward to getting involved with something that might help me look less like Marlon Brando. That might be a more accurate statement.

There are a few things I have found along this little journey that I have found REALLY helpful. First of all, has anyone heard of this? http://www.sparkpeople.com/

It’s a really great FREE site that has the best nutrition counter I’ve ever seen. It also has menu suggestions, group chats and exercise suggestions. It’s really great, and it really is free. I have been a member for a while now and I haven’t even ever been spammed.

Also, tea really helps me with my munchie issue at night. There are a million kinds, but I think my favorite is bangle spice. A bit of skim milk and a sweetener and I almost feel like I’ve had dessert. Almost. And, it’s even decaf so I can have as many cups as I need to.

Oh! Did you guys know that the fudge bar at Dairy Queen is only 50 calories? It’s no blizzard, but it sure takes that sugar edge off. 50 calories for the whole bar!!

Now I need a good suggestion for a chip substitute. Anyone? Don’t say carrot sticks or I’ll make fun of you.

Wish me luck this week folks. I think I'm getting my mojo back.

Crazy Left-Wing Rant Part Deux

I used French there just to irritate the right wingers because I know you guys have a bone to pick with France. HA!

Anyhoo, most of you who responded to my rant yesterday about the Obama school children speech were pretty much members of the invisible choir I was preaching to. However, G-Man’s Mama is a proud right-winger and decided to chirp up. Which, I really appreciate because my little world consists mostly of hippies and Canadians and I really did want that point of view. Her comment was as follows –

"At the risk of being stoned I will admit to being one of those "right-wing nutjobs" you all are cussing. Here is the problem. Obama is a way left democrat. I would not want my children exposed to his ideals without knowing what the speech for about before hand. If the speech or a transcript were released before hand I would have let my children participate. The problem was not the speech that was planned it was the assignment after by the white house that asked "How would you help President Obama?" Um...last I checked he was our president as in for the people (or those that voted for him anyway). If it was Sarah Palin addressing the children of this nation all of the democrats would be figuring out "how to band together, bring on the crazy and then spread the madness like wildfire." Just sayin'."

Thanks, G-Man's Mama. While I still don’t really understand that position, it was delivered articulately and at least flirted with logic. It was certainly a significantly better way of communicating a point of view than the crazy screaming people I’ve been watching on the news at those town hall meetings where somehow people have become convinced that Obama wants to kill them. Regardless of what side of the fence you sit on, politicians don’t ever take the position that they want to kill people. It’s really hard to get re-elected with that platform.

It’s also interesting the ‘right’ (sorry, G-Man’s Mama, since you are the only one who spoke up for that side you are representing them ALL now) see Obama as a ‘far left-wing’ democrat. I would consider myself a far left-wing democrat, and Obama seems pretty moderate to me. I think health care should be completely free to everyone and you can just go right ahead and raise my taxes to make that happen. Obama is proposing a shared-cost/income based approach to health care.

I think America should immediately pull every last troupe out of Iraq, throw themselves on the mercy of the UN and beg the industrialized world for help cleaning up that horrible mess that should have never begun in the first place. Obama is going with a more cautious approach and still has soldiers over there trying to….well, do something I guess.

If Sarah Palin was to give a speech to school children I would absolutely let my kids hear it. First of all, I think it’s good for kids to hear all sides of the issues since they are the ones who are ultimately going to lead the country one day and the sooner they can learn about issues/points of view (although Obama’s speech was just about the importance of education, not a point of view), the sooner they can start deciding for themselves what is good for the country and themselves and what isn’t. Second of all, it would give me, as their parent, a perfect opportunity to talk to them about what someone like Sarah Palin has to say and how they feel about it (and how I feel about it). And, I would of course need the chance to clear up the fact that Africa is indeed a continent (sorry, couldn’t resist).

And lastly….the ‘right’ starting flipping out IMMEDIATELY. They had no details, they asked no questions about what Obama was planning to say (although that information was available), gave no thought as to how it might open up communications and discussion with their children, and lept to all kinds of conclusions that because it's Obama it just simply MUST be evil and involve some kind of satan worship.

Just the fact that a democrat (horrors!) was going to talk to their children was enough to make them completely lose their shit.

THAT smacks of partisanship way more than your President speaking to kids about why staying is school is a good idea to me. No? And, while I have you, G-Man’s Mama, wasn’t the whole mantra of the ‘right’ for the last eight years of George W rule that unless every American blindly supports the President he/she is a trader? Why doesn’t that theory apply anymore? ESPECIALLY to one little speech that has nothing whatsoever to do with politics?

I like the lively, respectful debate. I’d love to hear from some more right-wingers. And, for the record, when I say, ‘right-wing bat-shit crazy nut-jobs’ I’m referring to the screaming town hall people whose heads are about to explode. Reasoned, respectful right-wingers are just fine.

Although horribly misguided.

Okay, I’ll stop now.

Yo - Yanks! You are KILLING me up here.

I’m not American, so could you guys please explain this one to me?

Your President, the guy you overwhelmingly elected to the top office of the country (I’ll just take a minute here to say, on behalf of the entire planet, THANK YOU), spoke directly to all the students in your country at the beginning of the school year. His speech to the youth included the following quotes –

"Every single one of you has something you’re good at. Every single one of you has something to offer. And you have a responsibility to yourself to discover what that is. That's the opportunity an education can provide."

"You can't drop out of school and just drop into a good job. You’ve got to work for it and train for it and learn for it. This isn't just important for your own life and your own future. What you make of your education will decide nothing less than the future of this country."

“What you're learning in school today will determine whether we as a nation can meet our greatest challenges in the future."

“You'll need the knowledge and problem-solving skills you learn in science and math to cure diseases like cancer and AIDS, and to develop new energy technologies and protect our environment. You'll need the insights and critical thinking skills you gain in history and social studies to fight poverty and homelessness, crime and discrimination, and make our nation more fair and more free. You'll need the creativity and ingenuity you develop in all your classes to build new companies that will create new jobs and boost our economy. If you quit on school – you’re not just quitting on yourself, you’re quitting on your country."

Before and after this speech, I have read much in the media about how parents were OUTRAGED that the President would have the nerve to speak to their children. One of my ‘facebook’ friends (I went to high school with her and have never seen her since. She moved to America ) had this her status,

“Who does he think he is? Would HE let anyone speak directly to his kids without knowing what they are going to SAY?”

Uhh…..alright. Who does he think he is? Seriously?? What was she worried he was going to do? Start telling the kids some new fart jokes?

And here are some reactions from the right -

“That's Obama-centric. It's not focused on education but on the worship of Barack Obama," Michael Leahy, spokesman for the conservative grassroots Nationwide Tea Party Coalition, told AFP. "This is indoctrination, pure and simple, into the cult of Barack Obama, and we are opposed to that," he said.

And this -

Jim Greer, chairman of the Republican Party of Florida, raged that "Pied Piper Obama" was going "into the American classroom" to spread socialist ideology.

First of all…. Nationwide TEA PARTY Coalition?? Whose running that group, five year-old girls dressed in fairy princess dresses? Lena Chairs a tea party in her room with Mr. Floppy and Yellow Turtle every night, and even she would have the good sense to realize boycotting children from hearing your PRESIDENT speak is really fucking stupid.

(for the record I know that name is probably a reference to the Boston Tea Party brouhaha of seventeen hundred and whatever. Still stupid though)

Not to mention the fact that nothing included in Obama's speech had anything remotely to do with socialism, cults or even politics.

Your democratically elected leader decided he would speak to your children about the importance of education, working for a future, the betterment of the country and being contributing members of a democratic society.

What a bastard.

Please, I’m begging you – can someone explain to me why some Americans think that the President speaking directly to school children about the importance of education and their role in the country makes him an evil, commie-loving narcissist who is just DYING to kill your grandma?

Anyone? Seriously - I'm all ears.